Thursday, December 6, 2007

Artsy-fartsy

Gastronomics, a new field of study.

Seriously think about it; arts stimulate the senses with skillful crafting and farts hit two senses. What the artist ate would become a topic of talk and consideration, "is that, sniff sniff, Limburger cheese with a vinaigrette?". This medium also stimulates the ears. Is it a dry puff or a squelch? One large release or a tractor's worth of put-puts? Snobs would have something new to savor in art galleries: community performance pieces. Only those who paid for tickets could enjoy the exhibit and catch the fleeting mingling of artist's wind passing through the halls. Such works would have to consume an Artist's life, days or weeks before their release. Everything the Artist eats would be considered: fiber? -too risky. jalepenos? they'd burn patrons nostrils, adding tactile sensation to the show, good choice. Truly brave Artists would let their audience know what goes on through their insides, revealing some nakedness to spectators (risky in a room of the immature) so their work would not be stifled by pantaloons.
But the sensations these works would give when displayed are just veneer covering the shape of an Artist's greater meaning. Poots are ethereal samples of decay from the human body, records of what we consume. In sampling them we'd come to dwell on mortality, the human condition as exemplified in specific Artists' lives and sensations mysterious. They are not pleasant sensations because death is not a pleasant thing and so should not be portrayed in a medium beautifully. I hope if a museum did open a wing for Artsy-Fartsy work you wouldn't raise a stink.

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